Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
