Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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