erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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