I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i dont even know how to be here
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Two words: blizzard sex
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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