She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
