Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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