i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
