first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
