apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize