I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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