Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
