yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
