No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
