I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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