i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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