Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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