my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
