Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
