would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
