How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
In America we eat man semen.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
