I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
