I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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