Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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