If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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