hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
