I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My vagina just recognized that song.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
