My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am available for nakedness
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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