You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
