I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
