You can't special order awesome
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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