I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
