talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
