therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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