She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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