I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
