I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
