Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
