Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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