I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
