I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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