I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.