talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.