They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
