They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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