I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
