Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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