Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
