dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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