My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
