She is in my trunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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