He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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