i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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