There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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