What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?