I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!