toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet