I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?