You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax