when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
