Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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