If i come over, it means nothing
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
