I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
