AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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