Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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