That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
