Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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