he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
